Sol part 2

My first post wasn't actually a blog post, like I said, it was for a school project asking the parents to write to the child at age 21.
What I really wanted to write about was a post 'inspired' by some nauseating posts I have seen on Facebook that go something like this......

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Cuntface.  You brought so much love and joy into the world and continue to light our cunting days with glittering fucking light.  You are our pride and joy and God (Lord help us all) gifted you to us to care for and fucking well nurture!

I think you get the picture :-)  We've all seen updates like this and of course the intention is lovely BUT to me (as a mother) there is a whole other, dark, scary, unspoken and honest side to this business of parenting.  I will paint it now.  I will include the good bits too.

Happy birthday to my dear (A) Sol.  You bring so much fun, quirky humour and armpit farts into our lives.  I love you dearly of course but this parenting malarkey can be incredibly challenging.  You are fiercely loyal to your family, an admirable

quality in someone so young.  (Some of the arseholes you defend don't always deserve it mind you)  You are kind, funny and quirky.  You are also stubborn and competitive.  Playing games with you fills me with dread as you can't cope when you lose and seem to get high when you win.  Just this morning playing snakes and ladders was like walking on a tightrope for me.  'Deal with the bloody snakes!'  There will be more snakes in life than cunting ladders so handle it.  You were amused by the tough pooh response you got.

As a mother sometimes the worry I feel for your safety threatens to drown me as it comes at me like a wave.  This fear comes and goes but one thing I am convinced of is that it will remain with me for the rest of my life.  No one warns you of the overwhelming sense of responsibility that comes with this role.  Fuck the sleepless nights, they are a walk in the park compared to this.
When you asked about death as a boy in your class had lost his father my heart almost broke.  You asked about Granda and told me he is in your heart and you can feel him cos he kicks it.  When you said you didn't want to die I wanted to wrap you up in cotton wool and not leave the house for a week. I realise this is my character and not all people would feel to the depth that I do, we are all different after all.  You do show that you are an old soul/Sol at times like this.

You really know how to keep pushing to the point sometimes where I will yell, thump the table and shake with anger.  You need to start picking up on the non verbal cues to avoid this.  You drive me to drink at times (I'll hang this one on you for now) and it's hard work having to drink every bloody day some weeks :-)
You sometimes put me in awkward positions like when you refused to eat Granny's carrots stating that they were melted.  I knew I would be in the dog box if I laughed but you had a point.  The cooking of the veges to a point beyond recognition is familiar from my upbringing.
You have also put me in a position that I never dreamed of being in....that of a 'Soccer Mum'.  I loved watching you play touch rugby, was passionately responsive on the sideline and hated to miss a single game.  Wow!

Your relationship with your cousin James is a delight to witness.  It's such a primal interaction that makes me think of two bear cubs, pawing each other and cuddling and jostling each other.  Now in turn William is like that with you.  He loves to touch your skin and blow raspberries on your tummy. Then he cracks up, just like his Dad.  He reaches for you and bites and kisses you all the time.  Amazing to see this instinct.

You are a joy but man you can be a pain in the bum too!  Endless wittering, arguing back to counter the other stuff.  Your curious mind is a wonder to behold.  I love that you think I know everything..hee hee! Trust me I know fuck all really.  But I do know I wouldn't be without you in my life.  you are a blessing and you are blessed to be part of such a diverse family.  Pakistani, Scottish, English, Kiwi, Chinese, gay, straight, married, divorced.  Be warned though that there are a lot of strong women on both sides.  What a privilege to have fantastic role models with all the people in your family!

I will leave you with the photo of your student led teacher interviews.  I was presented with this book to comment on and the first page said 'I can cunt'  I know it was meant to say count but I would like to think it was in response to 'can you count in fives to 100?'

Love you Chickpea, Chicky, hearts, Sol, K-hole xxx