A duck in the hand is worth none on the fence!

A fence is a freestanding structure designed to restrict or prevent movement across a boundary. Fences are generally distinguished from walls by the lightness of their construction and their purpose.

They are not designed to sit on.  So why do so many people sit on the fucking fence? I'm not talking about people who are genuinely neutral about a certain topic.  To those I would say 'sit away as much as you like you neutral, beige folk'. I am sure we are all ambivalent about one thing or another.  For example I don't have a strong opinion on breastfeeding vs bottle.  I have chosen this as an example as it tends to be very topical among parenting groups. I really don't care whether you breast or bottle your baby.  I have never heard of a child in crisis or even a young adult on the psychiatrist's sofa where the report comes back something like this:  'we believe the cause of little Cuntface's banal character is down to being biach fed as an infant'  I do, to be contrary, have a strong opinion over whether it is anyone other than the parents business.  Who cares?  It's bloody boring. But that is another whole minefield right there.  So there you go, I don't care what you do regarding b or b for little b, but I do mind those that judge others for what they do.  On the fence, off again. on, off, on, off!

What  I am really talking about people who have opinions (and often very strong opinions) but they just want to perch on that fucking fence and not commit.  This can be clearly illustrated when they jump down off said fence, spouting opinion, opinion, opinion and then try to sneak back up onto the fence as if they've been there all along! Pale lemon jelly bastards.  Bet your mother b-fed you when you were young.  Hee hee!
I hope the fence you choose to sit on is riddled with barbed wire so that there is a physical manifestation of your fickle, weak antics. I would wish for the experience to elicit a kind of Pavlov's dog response - if you have something to say and you choose to sit on that fence may it be so caustic and hostile that it will prompt your evasive, ambiguous and circumspect arse right back off!  I hope the fence is electric and that you are zapped whilst trying to take the easy road.  As you may well see, I don't think you can be on the fence and off simultaneously.  It is physically impossible.

Again, I must clarify...having an opinion and choosing not to share it is different.  These are people whose opinion you will never know in this instance as they have decided to remain silent.  Subtle, yet not so subtly different from the aforementioned shitters.  I acknowledge that there is a time and a place for opinions.  There are whole raft of reasons people choose to share or not.  I am starting to confuse myself.  I guess I am targeting a very specific and small group of people who let their opinion be known to you and then try to back up the truck to a neutral fence friendly position when the debate starts.  It cannot be comfortable to live in their skin, wanting to take all sides yet have their opinion whilst remaining neutral.  Phew, exfuckinghausting! Yes I realise I am being petty but I guess that is where the term pet hates/peeves comes from?

I will leave you with a reducked song.  It is based on the Leonard Cohen's 'Bird on a Wire'

Duck on a wire

Like a duck on the fence wire
Like a cunt in quagmire
I have tried in my way to flap free
Like a dog with a bone
Like a dictator with some old fashioned moan
I have saved all my opinions for thee
If I, if I have been on the fence
I hope I can recompense
If I have been untrue
I hope you don't end up duck stew...

For those that don't know the original tune (at which I would be truly shocked!) Here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwnAg2tZKFk

#sittingonthefence #opinionated #fencesitting