Intro to the version to the quackity quack!

You may have guessed from the title that this is a post about my take on introversion or being an introvert.  I have only just discovered, in the last few years, that I am in fact an introvert!  My main reaction to 'diagnosing' myself was sheer fucking relief if I am honest.  All my life I have had random arseholes say I am an extrovert.  Yes, I can be a lively, chatty and generally amenable character.  I am NOT SHY.  I will NOT be recoiling in the corner of a social event quivering with fear.  But these are not characteristics of the introvert.  They have commonly been mistaken as and aligned to the nature of the introvert.

I have an aversion to phones!  All kinds of effing phones, landlines, mobiles.  An aversion to the paraphernalia associated with the fascist phone- answer machines, textpectations and just the way the fucking phone wants to know where you are at all times, who you are with and what the fuck you are doing!  Funnily enough my dear friend Swannie also has this aversion.  However, we were often found spending hours on the phone to each other (even after we had seen each other all day sometimes).  If The Swan and The Duck were on the phone nada gonna be happening for a good hour or two. Being introverts and internal thinkers though, we had a lot to discuss and dissect from the day! We were on the same page, swimming in the same pond, birds of a freaking feather.   But the point I would want to show those trying to understand the introvert is it is not about being social.  Anyone that has worked with me knows I am no wilting wallflower in the workplace.  In fact, leave me alone with my musings and mulling for too long and the consequences can be catastrophic!

For me, the defining point of what characterises an introvert is where you get your energy from.  It has taken me till now to understand why I hate the PARTY or the BIG gathering (this being more than 8 people).  They fill me with a kind of mortal dread.  So what does a Duck do in these situations!  You guessed it, overcompensates and flits and flaps around exuding a social persona to the innocent bystander.  This then prompts innocent bystander to ask for your number to 'catch up' one day.  I don't want to catch up with you boring fuckers, I was just being polite.  I don't need any more randoms in my life.  I didn't want to be at this mahoosive gathering/party/wanker fest in the first place.  Having said that, I have met some lovely people that I would like to see in real life at big gatherings. It's not the big gathering as such but my reactive behaviour I am meaning to depict here.

 Which leads me nicely on to my next point:  I love my good friends dearly.  I treasure their very bones.  I cannot predict who I will like but I have a very strong sense when I like someone. I feel less alone around my good friends.  But don't you want to be alone you ask?   Give me a one on one with any of them and I am fulfilled, cupeth running over with pure unbridled joy.  Confused?  I get my energy from down time.  This could mean going to the gym,swimming, reading a book, general pottering around.  Not being answerable to anyone, not being expected anywhere at anytime.  Freedom and space to recharge.  I love swimming and for this reason being underwater is one of my happiest places to be!  The mini-hibernation like feeling I just love.
So I gain energy and balance from down time.  I never mean to offend anyone when I do this.  When I don't have this time I spiral down hill faster than an Olympic skier.  Physically and mentally down the rabbit hole!  My mind goes fucking mental, crazy thoughts and a conveyor belt of confusion.  It is horrific inside my head at the best of times so after a bout of social gatherings you will find me floored, longing for hibernation.
Most of my friends understand.  My dear friend Scooby Doo will 'arrange' a time for a phone call and catch up. Probably due to her busy schedule but maybe a part of her understands I don't do spontaneity.  Yes I am bloody boring but it's who I am.  That's not to say I never do spontaneity. Sounds complicated I know.
Here's a test to take to see where you fall in the spectrum:

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/quiet-quiz-are-you-an-introvert/

I guess I feel the need to 'explain' myself a bit now that I have a deeper understanding of who I am.  As a result I say no more often to events that I think will bring out my downward Duck.  Whilst not always avoidable, I do try to manage my calendar so I am not out more than, say, twice a month!

Give me a good book, a few good friends, a fine wine, a river and I will be satiated beyond belief and re-charged in no time to face the innocent bystanders and randoms of this world.

I'd like to dedicate this to Swannie and Gizelle, two of the loveliest introverts I know.  Thanks also Swan face for the pics and thanks to the department of corrections xxx

#introvert #downtime #introversion