It is akin to the sensation of having freshly arrived in a foreign country a little green around the gills. A foreign country where you don’t quack the language and you don’t know a single feathered soul. You have no firm plans or any accommodation, pond or otherwise, arranged and to top it all off no one knows you are there! There is a kind of an adrenaline laced edginess to this scenario, a buzzing tinge of excitement and a large measure of adventure. Maybe you experience a physiological manifestation too in the form of a rapid heart rate and just a bead of sweat forming on the forehead and palms. Feathers aglow with the perspiration of trepidation. Perhaps this is a protective measure to keep you on your webbed feet, to alert you that you are out of your comfort zone and therefore must be more vigilant. But if you are travelling then you know the edgy vibe will soon give way to a form of heightened excitement and anticipation. An eagerness to explore, absorb and immerse yourself in this new country and its culture.
What happens when you experience this without being in a foreign country? When you are in a small town or city in the country you live in, the country you were born and grew up in? When you are with people you have known for many years, some of whom you call family? What happens then? What do you do when this, otherwise, foreign feeling hits you like a freight train in the midst of faces you know like the back of your webbed hand and a setting you are well and truly accustomed to? In the case of the duck you feel a soaring sense of unease, a kind of sickening notion of doom and a vice like grip to your very core! It has seemingly come out of nowhere, blindsided you leaving you barely able to quack. The dislocated Duck is in the height of discomfort and panic. Not being able to understand the origin of this fucking awful feeling yet wanting it banished forthwith! Urgently, promptly, abruptly to evaporate leaving no trace. Yet there is a trace, a formation of saliva gathering in your duck bill, a brisking heart rate and that ever mounting sense of panic.
This sense of dislocation suggests to me that we are ultimately alone in this life. We have episodes of connection with others and lifetime lasting relationships with a few people. It reminds me of a line from the, ever so slightly, cheesy song ' I know him so well' 'No-one in your life is with you constantly, No-one is completely on your side' Accepting that this is true, that at times in your life you will feel completely alone means you don't need to feel so scared. Recognising this sensation, going with it rather than resisting it and riding the wave out can be a useful strategy. Of course I will be the first to admit this is easier said than done. When you can't see the wood for the trees, the pond for the lily pads just putting one webbed foot in front of the other and moving forward is enough. Sometimes you find yourself out to sea feeling utterly forsaken, the depth of feeling threatening to engulf you with every surge. You’re in foreign waters where you crave familiar waters. At times surrounded by people you are beyond accustomed to yet you still feel incredibly alone. In fact being with people you know and still feeling like this only serves to intensify the perception. Maybe this is the way of life at times to be all at sea. Don’t fight it just go with it, tuck your wings in, keep your beak down and wait for the moment to pass. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and all that....
But for the Duck remains the realisation that alas as we are born alone so we must die!
Is there a silver lining in all this? Yes,I think there is although it’s hard to see anything but black murky waters while you’re in it. You know you’re alive that is for sure. You may also appreciate a return to calm, safe and welcoming waters. The relief may be palpable. In my experience there is a kind of residue and lingering feeling after something like this. An of archive of experience that is neatly tucked in 'the back of my mind for now'. It resides there among all those other unpleasant episodes, tingeing the here and now ever so slightly. It can inspire you to cast aside fear and throw yourself beak long into life. Make your quack heard!
When I was writing this a little boat that was given to me years ago came to mind. The boat pictured below. It rings as true to me now as it did when I was given it. 'There is no set path, just follow your heart'. Be liberated by these experiences, dust off your wings and fly free.
'Neither resent the doldrums, or savour too long the elation'
#dislocation #alone #crazymind
